Dogma by Bart: Eli, making sure the water I bathe in isn't too deep or hot (in a way, I'm kidding, in a way not)

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

I love cats ... They taste just like chicken.

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

If you think you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

I’m a dog. I can lick anyone!

Your goal in life is to be as good of a person your dog already thinks you am.

One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why.

Never get between a dog and his bone, a bear and her cubs or a man and his spittoon.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

The more people you meet, the more you’ll like your dog.

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

Some days you are the dog, some days you are the hydrant.

The value of a dog is its constant reminder of how much fun it is to act idiotic.

One dogs comtem...contemp........contemplations...what I think about daily life.... oh, stop rolling your eyes already and give me break, I'm a dog, for Gods sakes...I mean, if you're so smart why are you reading a blog written by a dog?....like you could have spelled it right the first time. Whoa...sorry man, its the high sodium dog food talking not me...really, Dude sorry....you know' I'm really not getting enough sleep, 16 hours a day isn't cutting it...I gotta slow down..and the coffee, don't even get me started on the coffee